Guides by Massie
by Lily the iPod
Summary: Massie decides to be nice to all of the losers in the world by writing guides to life. Posted in her blog and 100 percent Massie. Full summary inside.
1. The Guide: Popularity

Full summary: Being so mean is hard on the concience, so there must be a way to relieve yourself of such guilt. Massie found her way. By writing guides to post on her blog, so she can give back to all of the LBRs she slammed.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, usernames, or Massie's phrases. So don't sue me.

xxxxx

Massie's Guide to Popularity

by OCD's Queen Bee

Hey, everybody! Thanks for visiting my blog! It's Massie here, ready to give back to the world! How? By making a new guide for all of you losers out there that don't have a clue! Aren't I just too awesome? That's what I thought. Now let's get started before Alicia's driver gets here to take us to the mall. Right, Alicia?

So here are a few of the most important or completely random (depends on what I can come up with) tips. If you follow them correctly, it shouldn't be long before you're at least a b-lister.

**Tip #1**

Never wear a knockoff. I'm really sorry (not), but I don't care how poor you are. It's an unexcusable offence to fashion. Wear a fake, drive the stake! Through your heart, I mean. I know it's cheesy, but there has to be some sort of punishment. Look at Kristen! She's poor, but she never wears knockoffs. Ah-bviously, seeing as she's one of moi's best friends! If you really feel the need to be fake and cheap, go ahead. I do warn you though, you'll end up in The Reject Pile faster than a hummingbird flies. Just to let you know.

**Tip #2**

I don't care what people say, friends don't backstab each other for any reason at all. Of course, you can still frontstab LBRs and EWs. That's a given.

**Tip #3**

Be a trendsetter. Find something totally cute, but it must also be totally never thought of before. If your inner group eats it up like sugar-free chocolate cake, chances are that so will your considerably larger audience. Trendsetting is what makes a girl popular to begin with because it makes you known to the world. Even if the actual trend only lasts for a few days, you'll last much longer. Take it from a pro.

**Tip #4**

Never wear the same outfit twice in one month. That is known as a repeat offence. If you don't have enough clothes to make a seperate outfit every day, just try and use your old clothes in new ways. It worked for me, and it will work for you too. Claire was once one of those repeat offenders, and judging by how well she's doing now, she doesn't want to be one again.

**Tip #5**

No Burberry or Uggs! Can you say yuck!

**Tip #7**

Never try to steal another girl's boyfriend. That is completely unexcusable. Think it will make you an instant star? Try instant slut.

**Tip #8**

There is no way you will ever go over The Pretty Committee. This guide is to get you started, not to help you take over. Try and I'll crush you. That's all I'll say on that subject.

Like my guide? Post a review. Sorry, my comments are only open to friends, but reviews are open to everyone. They're sort of the same thing, but comments are cooler.

**Comments**

MASSIEKUR: WHAT DO U THINK? 2 COOL?

HOLAGURRL: TOTALLY! BTW, SHOPPING IS OFF UNTIL 2MORROW. DR. APPOINTMENT! SOOO SORRY!

SHORTS4LIFE: LOVE YA, BABE! I THINK UR GUIDE IS GR8. UR SO NICE!

SEXYSPORTSCHICK: AWESOME GUIDE, MASSIE! UR SO COOL!

BIGREDHEAD: I WISH U HAD A GUIDE 2 DIETS! AM FATTER THAN SANTA! BUT GR8 WORK!

CLAIREBEAR: NICE GUIDE! LOL. NICE SARCASM UR SO NICE 4 CALLING THEM LOSERS! END NICE SARCASM

xxxxx

Like Massie said, post a review. I would love to hear what you think.

Lily


	2. The Guide: Friends

Sorry for not updating earlier. I could have had at least 2 more chapters done by now, but I've been a lazy bean. Plus, I'm working on an HP for my story collection. Read it when it's up!

Massie's Guide to Friends

by OCD's Queen Bee

Visiting my blog again? Knew you would. It's me! If you would like to know, me and Alicia did end up going to the mall. We even "accidentaly" bumped into Derrick. It's obvious that he saw what I posted and made sure we met in front of Louis Vuitton. He totally loves me. Who agrees?

Anyway, now I will be writing about friends. How to maintain a good status with your friends, how to tell apart fake friends from real friends and how to actually make friends. I'm sure a lot of you will find this very useful. -Cough- LBRs -Cough-

**Tip #1**

In order to maintain order in your social group, always be nice to them. Be generous if you have any poor friends, like I do. Don't act like they're a charity case or anything. Just buy them a drink or a movie ticket here and there. Throw parties that your friends (and everyone else) will never forget. It will both make you a "mini-hero" with your inner group _and_ the spotlight at school the Monday after.

**Tip #2**

Another thing about friends, they never backstab each other. No talking about them behind their backs, no matter if it's good or bad. Unless you're trying to set her up with a cute boy, that is. Frontstabbing LBRs and EWs is permitted though. As they're obviously not your friends.

**Tip #3**

Friends never ask each other for money too much. It's okay if maybe they need a few dollars for a lunch and you know they will pay you back. It's not okay if they ask you to buy them a cool computer or cellphone. Nothing expensive unless you want to. If they keep asking you for overly expensive things, it's most likely they're using you.

**Tip #4**

Real friends never ever steal crushes. If your friend is completely aware that you like a certain guy but she goes after him anyway, she's not a real friend.

**Tip #5**

Boyfriends are the same as crushes. They're off-limits. Ex-boyfriends are the same. No touch the (ex) boyfriend.

**Tip #6**

If you ever suspect that one of your friends is secretly working with an enemy, investigate. It happened to me when Alicia tried to start her own clique. Check for any club items like Alicia's fake scarves. If they do turn out to be a spy, don't tell them any other secrets of yours but don't drop them. They could the rest of your secrets to their "other leader" and then it would be chaos.

**Tip #7**

Making friends is easy. If you're a new kid, try being nice to everyone. Obviously that was not my approach, but it's best if you're new and don't have any friends at all. Talk to everyone.

**Tip #8**

If you need a pencil or pen, ask the person next to you. Look for anything on their desk that might show a common interest that you two have and point it out. Talk about that certain subject and soon you'll have a brand-new friend!

**Tip #9**

Friends are there to confide in and always have fun with. Don't waste it by being a bad friend to them. Be the best friend you can be. Yeah, that sounded like one of those KLRN shows.

Post a review! My comments are closed for now, but they will be up for the next guide. Sorry to all of my close friends! Send me an e-mail instead, okay? Especially you, Derrick.

I was bored when I wrote this, so I'm not sure if it turned out as great as I wanted it to. Please post a review.

Lily


	3. The Guide: Boys

Again, I'm sorry for not updating more. I've been really busy with school lately, so that's why I haven't been here. So here's the next and last chapter.

Massie's Guide to Boys

By OCD's Queen Bee

Are you all ready for the next installment of my guides? I knew you were. I think we had a little bit of negativity in my reviews last time. Let's not let that happen again!

I'm obviously an expert on boys. I could get any boy I want, and we all know it. So let's move on to the tips.

**Tip #1**

A boy is never interested in the same girl for long. Boys like variety, so instead of being the same girl every day and letting him run off to another, shake things up a little bit everyday! Call him "babe" or "sexy" every once in a while.

**Tip #2**

Keep him wondering what you'll do next. Give him a kiss in the morning one day, then don't even talk to him until lunch the next day. It makes him wonder, which fills his need for variety.

**Tip #3**

If you ever suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you, investigate before accusing him. If you're wrong with your accusations, he'll probably never forgive you. If you're right, dump him right away. He's not a worthwhile guy if he thinks it's okay to cheat on his girlfriends.

**Tip #4**

Best friends don't date each other's ex-boyfriends. It's against the rules of feminism.

**Tip #5**

It does not pay to be a slut. So stay away from other people's boyfriends.

**Tip #6**

Don't be afraid to make the first move. Sometimes guys like girls who take charge.

**Tip #7**

Don't cry over a guy that wasn't worthwhile. If he chose to be bad to you as a boyfriend, you shouldn't be the one crying over him. He should be mourning his loss of you.

**Tip #8**

If you're feeling nervous or uncomfortable about kissing and stuff like that, don't do it until you're ready. If he's a good guy, he'll understand. You don't have to do it just because he tells you to.

**Comments**

SHORTS4LIFE: SORRY, MASSIE. I DON'T LIKE IT. UR TEACHING GURLS 2 GET GUYS.

BIGREDHEAD: UR GUIDE ROX, MASSIE!

SEXYSPORTSCHICK: UR SO NICE 4 WRITING THIS GUIDE!

HOLAGURRL: I LUV IT!

FISHER2: I HATE IT. I FEEL MOCKED AS A GUY OR WHATEVER. I JUST HATE IT.

CLAIREBEAR: HMM…I'LL HAV 2 THINK BOUT THIS 1.

MASSIEKUR: U KNO WAT? I DON'T CARE WAT U THINK. U CAN JUST STOP READING THIS BECUZ I'M NOT WRITING ANY MORE GUIDES!

Okay, I hope you liked the last chapter. I'm leaving this story to write my new one, Massie in the Alamo. I hope you like that one too. Anyway, I took a reviewer's advice and added some negative comments for Massie to help end the story a bit smoother than just cutting it off. Thanks for all of your great comments, good and bad!


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